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Ein gemütlicher Abend bei Freunden. Ein Kumpel setzt sich ans Klavier und spielt unter anderem eine Melodie, die tief in meiner Seele einen Widerhall erzeugt und sich sofort in meinen Schädel einbrennt. „Boah tönt das geil! Was ist das für eine Melodie?“
«Eigenkomposition.»
Jetzt, nach über zwei Monaten, sitze ich im Zug und erinnere mich spontan wieder an diese Melodie. Sie geht mir nicht mehr aus dem Kopf und wiederholt und wiederholt und wiederholt sich. Ein Beat entsteht. Eine zweite Stimme; die könnte man mit Geigen spielen. Oh, und ein Gitarrenteil muss auch noch her. So langsam Dekorieren weitere Instrumente und Melodien in meinem Kopf diese Hauptmelodie.
Es lässt mir keine Ruhe. Ich muss das ganz gschwind runterkomponieren, bevor mir das wieder aus dem Schädel entwischt. MacBook an, Garageband auf. Und sich gleich darüber aufregen, wie beschränkt die Auswahl der Instrumente ist und wie künstlich die klingen.
Die ersten Noten entstehen. Ja, so ungefähr müsste es von der Idee hinhauen. Ich muss mich zwingen, das Lied ohne nach links und nach rechts zu schauen aus meinem Kopf in die Audiospuren zu pressen. Viele «oh das könnte man auch noch» und «das würde auch gut tönen» Verlockungen ignorieren. Ich will das Original abbilden, keine neuen Experimente machen. Da verliert man sich und hat am Schluss gar nichts.
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Das hat eine schöne Lawine losgetreten, damals, als ich diesen Artikel über das Tagebuchschreiben im Spick las. Ein Feuer entzündet hat er in mir. Nachdem ich diese wunderbar illustrierten Beispieltagebücher gesehen hatte, wusste ich einfach: „Ey, sowas brauch ich auch.“
So habe ich ein, zwei analoge Tagebüchlein vollgeschrieben. Dann für ein paar Jahre die Motivation verloren. Dann wieder angefangen. Und wieder ist es versandet.
Als ich dann aber im 2. Lehrjahr ein Webtagebuch begonnen hatte, kam ich nicht mehr davon los. Es sollte das Forum ablösen, das uns damals als Diskussionsplattform diente. Beiträge sollten chronologisch angeordnet werden, nicht mehr nach «Threads» – so dass jeder jeden neuen Beitrag sieht. Mehr an eine Zeitung angelehnt, mit dem Charme einer Schülerzeitung, wo jeder mitmachen konnte; inspiriert vom Typographiekurs der vorherigen Schule, abgeschaut von der Stadtzeitung. Serifenlose Titel, Fliesstext mit Serifen, Autor, Ort und Datum sollen nicht fehlen. So sah der erste Entwurf vom Scratchbook aus:
Ich war damals schampar fasziniert davon, wie PHP-Schleifen HTML-Code dynamisch erzeugen konnten. Wow! Das alles entstand auf meinem Lehrlingsrechner, gstlehrpoww – GruppenSTationLEHRlingePrOzesseWarenWirtschaft. Schon damals habe ich darüber nachgedacht, das verteilte Systeme (technisch oder gesellschaftlich) eine tolle Sache sind. Schon damals habe ich Texte stehlen für eine gute Sache befunden. Schon damals hatte ich Banner geschaltet: Boykottiert die Musikindustrie! Um Informatik, Freizeit und Meinung soll es sich drehen. Und mit diesen beiden Zeichen hat alles angefangen:
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So fängt PHP Code an. Und so fing auch meine Programmiererlaufbahn an. Ein antikes Stück Code. Aber jeder fängt mal an. Ich wollte eine verteilte Wissensdatenbank für Lehrlinge erstellen; damit wir unsere Arbeitsbücher elektronisch pflegen und als PDF-Download ziehen können. Aber daraus wurde nichts. Es blieb beim Tagebuch.
Experimentell war das schon immer. Entwickelt wurde direkt auf dem Server; ich blendete eine «Achtung wackelig» Meldung ein; Google macht das ja auch so (aka Beta). Mein Mobiltelefon konnte plötzlich Fotos an eine E-Mail Adresse schicken; und Schwupps, hatte ich auch gleich eine Schnittstelle dafür gebaut; die Snapshots waren geboren. Diese und viel anderer technischer Schnickschnack zierten unser liebgewonnenes Kritzelbuch. Irgendwann habe ich dann das ganze auf WordPress gezügelt. Die Inhalte wurden plötzlich wichtiger als die Technik. Das Experiment läuft weiter. Weniger technisch, mehr textlich. Die Fremdbeiträge und Kommentare nahmen ab. Ich mache weiter. Tagebuch zum mitlesen. Als psychologisches Dampfablass-Ventil. Und als Sendestation im grossen, weiten Internet, um Bewusstsein zu schaffen. Bewusstsein für Dinge, die manche nicht merken. Dinge, die untergehen. Dinge, die hinterfragt und herausgefordert werden wollen. Natürlich eignet es sich auch prima als Archiv für Texte. Ein Sammelsurium von tollen Dingen aus dem Internet, aus der Welt. Oder Erlebnissen, die als Erinnerung aufbewahrt werden. So wie die Tagebuchserie über das Boom-Festival.
Die Menschen gehen ans Boom, und finden im Internet wieder zusammen. So bekam ich folgende wunderbare Rückmeldung; und jetzt, wo ich die Boom-Tagebucheinträge und den Spick-Artikel übers Tagebuchschreiben nebeneinander lege, wird mir klar: Ich habe ein Tagebuch.
It had all components I find great in a diary and it kept me in excited reading it until the end. People don’t do this often, they just share photos in facebook and that’s that! Most wont bother, unless they have sheer pleasure in writing. Doing it means self-development, it is some sort of labor work, like making a dream diary (I do one, but written by hand!). World consumption culture is aligned with writing and yet it is not as well. A great percentage of livejournals were superseded by facebook.
Facebook, du scheisst mich an.
Es ist nicht nur, dass du alle Daten über jeden Menschen sammelst.
Es ist nicht nur, dass die 9-jährigen Kiddies in die oberflächliche Facebook-Welt abdriften.
Nein – diese fuckingidiotengopferdammiarschlochhurensohnfacebook-Scheisse vernichtet Tagebücher!! Sie lässt die Leute nicht mehr über sich selbst nachdenken und beschäftigt sie mit sinnlosem Genichtsnutz. Wenn man sie fragt, was sie eigentlich so tun die ganze Zeit – „hmm, eigentlich nichts. Gefällt mir.“
Kein Tagebuch schreiben. Lieber schnell huschhusch ein Foto in dieses Fickbuch hochladen, teilen mit allen, gefällt mir, bumm ist die Luft duss. Wo bleibt der Tiefgang?
In der Welt da draussen. Wo es nur nach Quartalsabschlüssen tönt. Da frage ich mich oft, was das, was ich tue, für einen Wert hat. Jetzt habe ich eine Rückmeldung von einem Stranger erhalten. Tagebuchschreiben hat etwas mit Persönlichkeitsentwicklung zu tun.
These diaries are an attempt to map the unchartered regions that experience has given rise to in one’s life in transformative moments, describing the atmosphere and the setting, as well as the interactive details around one’s perceptions when such ‚initiations‘ and profound insights are taking place. These moments when the „peeling“ of the ’sensory deprivation layers‘ of current reality occurs, unblock the wall of „LIFE“ that had been formerly restricted. I know this makes sense to you because we see the world in similar ways. Beautiful.
Jetzt geht mir ein Licht auf. Tagebücher sind ganz individuelle, emotionale Artefakte des Menschen. Und ich tue das für mich. Für mich – allein. Ob das die Welt verändert, weiss ich nicht. Ich mach einfach mal. Mal schauen, was dann explodiert. Es gibt hier keine Werbung. Und keine Google Analytics und so Gugus. Sondern Netzkultur. Erlebnisse. Experimente. Tiefgang. Aufmüpfig losrasseln und Rebellentum.
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Fürs Tagebuchschreiben braucht man kein extra Schreiblustiger oder Schreibgewaltiger zu sein. Tagebuchschreiben heisst auch nicht unbedingt: jeden Tag schreiben. Manchmal hat man (sich) viel zu sagen, manchmal ist Funkstille im Kopf. Manchmal ist einem gar nicht zum Schreiben zumute. Doch oft lohnt es sich, einen Anlauf zu nehmen und etwas zu Papier zu bringen, um es «loszuwerden».
Die leeren Blätter nehmen einfach alles auf, was dich beschäftigt, sei das nun deine Zukunft, ein böser Traum, ein Zaubertrick, ein Streit… Auf dem Papier darfst du mit deinen Bleistiftzähnen so richtig zubeissen, darfst ein ganz Garstiger sein oder ein ganz Listiger. Wenn du das Tagebuch dann wieder weglegst, bist du vielleicht ein erstaunlich Friedfertiger, und wer weiss, mit der Zeit wird aus dir sogar ein Schreibsüchtiger. Es gibt ganz verschiedene Tagebuch-Formen. Das zeigen die Beispiele auf den folgenden Seiten.
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Leichter Nebel liegt über dem Festivalgelände. Ich wusste, das dieser Moment kommen würde. Der Moment, wo es heisst: Zusammenpacken. Abschied. Es ist noch dunkel. Und still. Die letzte Band hat diese Nacht im Dance Temple gespielt. Ich schlendere durch die Morgendämmerung. Frühstück. Und dabei den Sonnenaufgang beobachten.
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Funky Beach. Ein Bereich, der ziemlich weit abgelegen vom Festival ist. Als ob er nicht mehr dazugehören würde; hinter dem Campingbereich, ganz links am Strand. Die Musik ist ganz anders. Auch gibt es dort eine Bar mit Giftausschank.
Jack ist heute leider nicht mehr aufgetaucht am Infostand, dafür aber Alex und Tim; die beiden aus der Londoner Fraktion, die ich am Mittwoch so plötzlich verlassen musste, zugunsten des Vortrags von Daniel Pinchbeck. Das war ein freudiges wiedertreffen! Jetzt sitzen wir am Strand und geniessen unseren Sangria.
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Am Boom Festival gibt’s übrigens auch echte Raumschiffe. Der Propäller oben dreht, und natürlich sind die auch begeh- und benutzbar:
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Diesmal setze ich mich weiter vorne hin. Immerhin folgt jetzt gleich eine Diskussionsrunde mit dem Titel: „Building A Post Prohibition World: The Role Of Psychedelic Research, Transformational Festivals And Political Action“, mit Experten aus der psychedelischen Community und Forschung.
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Hunger. Ich muss mal was essen, auch wenn an diesem Tag die Vorträge solche Aktivitäten eigentlich nicht zulassen. So verzichte ich auf „The Future Of Psychoactive Traditional Plants In Western Society“ und mache mich auf die Suche nach meinen Schuhen. In vielen Zelten am Boom sind nur bare Füsse erwünscht.
Ich bemerke etwas. Da hat jemand zwei Kleber in meine Sandalen gesteckt:
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Heute ist mein Lieblingstag. Das Thema ist Expanded Consciousness. Die Liminal Village ist der Ort, wo Workshops und vor allem Vorträge stattfinden. Glücklicherweise befindet sich dieses grosse Zelt am nächsten zum Zeltplatz, so dass ich mit meinen angeschlagenen Füssen nicht weit laufen muss. Ausgerüstet mit Notizbuch, Fotokamera und MP3-Recorder setze ich mich hin. Noch sind nicht viele Leute da; viele kommen auch hierher wegen des Schattens, und um sich auszuruhen. Der erste Vortrag heisst „Contemporary Alchemy: A Jungian Perspective“.
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„Bis später“, haben sie noch gesagt; meine neu gewonnenen Freunde, die ich gestern kennengelernt habe. Und dann sind sie in der Menge verschwunden. Ob ich sie wiederfinde?
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