Driven to speak up
I am increasingly feeling a sense of urgency and social responsibility towards speaking out and taking action against the growing tide of unreasonable hatred targeted towards pedophiles. This isn’t a post that attempts to make some moral judgement on the sexuality itself but rather is a post purely about what I see as a dangerous level of hate targeted towards a group of people purely for how they were born and not even what they do. It’s that sense of urgency and social responsibility that has compelled me to write this post after a long period of silence. For that silence I must apologise but I’ve simply had nothing interesting to say while my time and energy has been focused on my work, family and supporting friends.
As I walked into the train station today I was greeted by a tall poster advertising a new literary masterpiece, a real page turner that will leave the reader shocked as it unfolds a gripping story of child abuse. Just beyond that was another poster for another fictional story of a child abducted. Individually each book may very well be a good read but it reminded me of the constant media message we receive daily that helps to cement a deep fear and hate of pedophiles. You won’t hear stories of the good work that pedophiles do across society or stories that challenge todays dogma but those stories are out there in countless supply for anyone who cares to dig below the click bait media stories. As I continued my walk through the train station I came to the news stand where free papers were given away to commuters and so as usual I took one for the journey ahead. The paper as always had no shortage of misinformed stories misusing the term pedophile as a general term of insult. “Pedophiles are trying to evade the law by turning to drawings and artwork of children”. “Child raped by pedophile” without any explanation as to why the attacker might be a pedophile. The idea that child abuse is a crime unique to pedophiles has largely been debunked and yet the myth continues to be peddled by the mainstream media.
This statement that non-pedophiles abuse children might at first seem counter intuitive until you stop to think about what your assumptions are based upon. One common incorrect assumption is that pedophiles are primarily driven by sexual desire. This assumption is very wrong, there is no good evidence that pedophiles are any more motivated by sex than any other sexuality. When was the last time you raped somebody or even thought about it? The chances are never and the same applies to the vast majority of pedophiles. You might find somebody attractive, you might even harbor some sexual desire for someone but that is a lightyear removed from raping or abusing them. Rapists and abusers are driven by personality disorders that are independent of their sexuality. Abuse typically results from a desire to control and dominate or even to hurt, disorders that are independent of sexuality.
It has also been suggested that pedophiles could be no more likely to sexually abuse a child and even less likely than other sexualities to otherwise physically harm a child since a characteristic more likely to accompany attraction is a desire to protect and care for the target of affection. If we cut through the media nonsense that we are bombarded with daily and stop to apply reason and experience we should quickly see that what we think of as a pedophile makes very little sense.
It’s also been suggested that pedophiles could have more empathy towards and higher regard for children than teleiophiles, people attracted to adults. That’s not to say teleiophiles don’t care deeply for children but often deep regard for children doesn’t kick in until parenthood when there’s a motivation to care and empathise towards a child. How often have you heard somebody say that they don’t like kids? Often its somebody without children of their own, are they not more likely to neglect or harm a child than someone who loves them instinctively?
Of course, it’s much neater and popular to blame pedophiles for child sexual abuse since it serves the double purpose of presenting a simple bogeyman answer to an awful problem in society while freeing the rest of society from feeling any guilt or responsibility for what people like themselves do.
This week I’ve heard stories of how scientists hope to identify pedophiles in the womb and fix them before they are born, a modern form of eugenics. We are appalled at the idea of mutating babies but for some reason we have no problem with the idea of mutating babies if they may grow to become pedophiles.
This hatred of pedophiles isn’t just a media problem but a problem that affects all areas of society. I have friends who have been outed as pedophiles and live in a constant fear for their lives. Will they be attacked in their own home, will their employer be pressured to fire them, will their friends and family be targeted by association? These are people who have harmed no one and seek only to live ordinary lives in society.
The comparison to the old witch trials has been used many times but it is a very good comparison. Regardless of your views on witchcraft, was it right to persecute people who practiced witchcraft in the way that they were? Did they really warrant torture and murder just for being different? Or the treatment of disabled or gay people by the Nazi’s in Germany in the build up to the second world war? Not liking a group is not a reason to hate them, abuse them or mistreat them. A healthy society is diverse but respectful, especially towards those who cannot choose their nature such as their color or sexuality.
We are facing a horrifying modern acceptance that it’s OK to hate and persecute a whole section of society for how they were born. Yes, how they were born. It isn’t how they act otherwise the term pedophile wouldn’t be used so freely as a term of hate in contexts when the story may not even be about a pedophile. If I was to say women or the disabled or black people should be fixed at birth or locked up then I’d be called a monster but I can say that about pedophiles and find a lot of people nodding enthusiastically their approval. These people are your friends, family and colleagues, you just don’t know it because they don’t disclose it. There’s compelling evidence that as many as 1 in 10 people may be pedophiles depending on the precise definition of a pedophile. That means the chances are that when your child’s life was saved at hospital while being born or when ill or when your elderly relative was nursed or that charity helped you in your time of need or when the emergency services helped you or a loved one then at those times some of those people were pedophiles. Did you resent their help then? Would you have refused medical treatment for that loved one knowing the care would be delivered by a pedophile?
How far do we allow this unreasonable hate go before we say enough is enough? Do we allow the law to enter people’s homes and take peoples possessions with just a suspicion of their sexuality? Do we allow people to be locked up without evidence of any crime having been committed? Do we move pedophiles from their homes and into controlled camps? Do we strip them of their basic human rights? Do we fix them at birth? What about after birth? Is killing OK if the person is a pedophile, after all they don’t have equal human rights so they aren’t equal humans? How far does this evil continue unchecked? As a society that cares anything for good and human decency, how shrouded in evil are we prepared to be by permitting this modern-day bigotry and hate?
I’ve seen hate and its ugly, it always has been. Society always has hate just below the surface looking for a group to attack. It has little to do with the target group, it’s the shameful need of society to hate that drives it. Throughout history we’ve seen the worst kind of hate towards many groups. I’m finding it increasingly difficult to sit back quietly and allow this to happen unchallenged.
By standing up to hate I and others become targets as we spoil the sport of those who hate and who don’t want to lose a convenient target group to attack. Any pedophile is racked with fear at the idea of speaking out because speaking out makes you an immediate target for the worst kind of hate. That fear can be overpowering. Even our own governments fail to protect us, partly because a target group has always been convenient for those in power. Hitler’s rise to power made full use of this fact by giving the people scapegoats and targets in the form of Jews, the disabled and gay people freeing them to build up costly State apparatus. Today we hear pedophiles often used as an excuse for latest State intrusion technologies and as a reason to erode protections in society, even constitutions. I’m not prepared to speak out too openly while I have family and loved ones who could become target of hate by association. I speak out when it’s safe to do so, when friends speak falsehoods that need to be challenged. I help friends who are treated unfairly. I do the human and decent thing because I refuse to let evil in society go fully unchecked. As I’ve grown older my fear for the world my kids will inherit has increased. I don’t want them to inherit a world where hate is acceptable, even encouraged. I teach them that it’s wrong to hate, that every story has real people involved and it’s important to be sensitive and aware of those real people. Every person we’re told to hate has their fears and loves, have family, have hopes and dreams that are no less real or important than our own. If we stop to consider that then we become more human ourselves.
I encourage everyone to do just that. I’m not asking people to like our sexuality or to accept acts of abuse but I’m asking people to stop and remember that the sexuality doesn’t define the person. Sexuality is something we don’t get to choose, did you choose to be attracted to the opposite or same sex or your wife or husband? Judge people for their acts and even then consider the situation. There is and always has been a gulf between an act of love and act of abuse, don’t let people tell you anything different. Consider each situation, each person as a person and listen to your and their hearts before you judge. You know even children have been charged for sexual offenses for playing doctors and nurses? Did you know that children have been criminalised for taking selfies? Did you know that children have suffered depression and long-term trauma after a loved one has been charged and taken away?
Did you know that throughout history many people have fallen in love and often with one or both people below todays legal age and they’ve had long and happy lives together. What has been natural throughout history is criminal today. Did you know that teenagers and young adults have taken their own life when faced by societies hate towards them for something beyond their control, their sexuality?
Each of us has a social responsibility to address this problem because this sexuality isn’t going away. Pedophiles are real, they always have been and always will be and the majority are perfectly good and normal people, contributors to society like most people of other sexualities. We have to stop hating people just for how they were born and start being a responsible society that treats everyone with dignity and respect and takes the time to learn and understand each person and each case.
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