TOO STUPID FOR TECHNOLOGY
Warning: Use of undefined constant ri_rand_compare - assumed 'ri_rand_compare' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/random-image-widget/random_image.php on line 129 Warning: Use of undefined constant ri_rand_compare - assumed 'ri_rand_compare' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/random-image-widget/random_image.php on line 130 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 1384 Warning: preg_match_all(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 700 Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 707 Warning: preg_match_all(): Compilation failed: invalid range in character class at offset 4 in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 700 Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /home/httpd/vhosts/scratchbook.ch/httpdocs/wp-content/plugins/lightbox-plus/classes/shd.class.php on line 707
by Michael John Bertrand
FADE IN:
INT. CALL CENTRE–DAY
(A small phone CUBICLE in a small tech-support OFFICE. JEREMY is seated there, chatting with JASON, one CUBICLE over.)
JEREMY
…No, I haven’t. You?
JASON
I tried it for a few minutes at EB. It’s just a “Morrowind” wannabe.
JEREMY
Yeah, but “Morrowind” rocked.
JASON
I guess. Too complicated for me. I prefer my RPGs–
(Jason is interrupted when Jeremy’s PHONE RINGS.)
JEREMY
Whoops! Time to earn my Evercrack money.
(Jeremy answers his phone and starts talking into the HEADSET MIC.)
JEREMY
Hello, StarTech support line, Jeremy speaking. How can I help you?
(ANGRY SPEECH NOISES are heard from the phone.)
JEREMY
Sir? Sir…OK sir, please calm down. Sir? Which of our products are you using? Sir, we make over twenty software products; which
one is it that’s giving you trouble? The…one that makes your computer work, right. Sir, can you hold for a moment?
(Jeremy puts the CALLER on hold.)
JEREMY
Good lord, I think I have a denizen of the Land of Permanent Noon on the line here.
JASON
The land where all the clocks flash noon forever? Dude, you have got to put this on the speaker.
JEREMY
Yeah, I’m on it.
(Jason joins Jeremy in his cubicle. Jeremy waits for Jason to get settled then presses two buttons on his phone.)
JEREMY
Sorry for the delay, sir; now…
(Caller has a late-’40s, belligerent, middle-management-type voice.)
CALLER
How DARE you put me on hold! I’m a very important man, and I need to get my mail things right this instant! Time is money, young man!
JEREMY
I’m terribly sorry, sir, now… have you figured out which of our products you are using?
CALLER
Well obviously I don’t know. I’m far too busy to keep track of such mundane details. Isn’t it YOUR job to know these things?
JEREMY
Uh, yes sir it is. So, you use this program for e-mail, sir?
CALLER
That’s what it’s SUPPOSED to do, yes!
JEREMY
OK, that narrows it down to a few programs. Now, look at your screen, sir…is the big star in the upper right hand corner blue?
CALLER
(medium pause)
No. No it is not.
JEREMY
OK, is it red?
CALLER
Well no…it’s not red either.
JEREMY
Really? Hmmm. OK, what color is it?
CALLER
It’s black. Just like the rest of the screen.
JEREMY
Black?
(looks at Jason, who shrugs)
Wait…the whole screen is black? Sir, are you sure that the computer is turned on?
CALLER
Of course it’s turned on! I’m not an idiot! How dare you even ask that question, you ignorant wage slave!
JEREMY
Oh, I believe you sir, but just tell me…how do you know that the computer is turned on?
CALLER
Because it’s always on!
JEREMY
Ooookay…so, the computer is plugged in to the power bar?
CALLER
“Power bar”? Look, don’t try to confuse me with meaningless techno-babble, just make my computer work NOW!
(Jeremy covers the microphone with his hand. Jeremy and Jason look at each other, then nod.
JASON
I am so jealous. I was sure I’d get to be the first one.
JEREMY
I’m just lucky I guess.
(Jeremy uncovers his microphone.)
JEREMY
Sir, because you’re such a special customer to us, I’m going to go right ahead and assign your problem a 2S4T rating.
CALLER
Well that’s more like it! I take it that means that I’ll be getting some attention soon!
(Jeremy has been typing something in on his COMPUTER as Caller says this.)
JEREMY
Oh trust me sir…
(presses ENTER emphatically)
…soon you’ll be amazed at how much attention you’re getting. You see, I’ve just entered your name in the international tech support database. You are now a 2S4T customer worldwide, Mister… Dierden Grossen of…1475 French Terrace.
CALLER
Hey, how do you know who I am? You must be some sort of evil computer hacker! I’m calling the police!
JEREMY
Sir, I just used caller ID.
CALLER
I don’t care what you call it, it can’t be legal!
JEREMY
It’s perfectly legal and you probably have it on your own phone, sir. Anyhow, you now have 2S4T status worldwide. You have been officially certified as Too Stupid for Technology.
CALLER
What did you say??
JEREMY
“Too Stupid for Technology,” sir. That’s what “2S4T” stands for. Congratulations…you are truly special. It took many votes from technical support people all over the world to put you in this category. Though I’m proud to say that it was my vote that put you over the top.
CALLER
You can’t do this to me!
JEREMY
Oh, I most certainly can sir, and I just did.
CALLER
This can’t possibly be legal!
JEREMY
On the contrary, sir, thanks to legislation recently passed in Parliament, it’s not only legal, it’s mandatory. You see, research has recently shown that people like you are, in fact, mentally handicapped, and that left unchecked, people like you do a vastly disproportionate amount of damage to society in terms of lost man-hours, broken technology, and general aggravation and stress. So being 2S4T has officially been declared a mental handicap requiring special attention.
CALLER
MENTAL HANDICAP! For your information I have a Masters of Business Administration from a very prestigious…
JEREMY
Yes, I’m sure you do, sir. Nevertheless, you will now find that there’ll be a few small… changes…in your lifestyle.
CALLER
Changes in my lifestyle? What the hell are you talking about?
JEREMY
Well, first off, you’ll find that you can’t get tech support from the regular tech support lines any more. You’ll have to call a special line just for special 2S4T people like yourself.
CALLER
Well that’s just fine by me! I never want to talk to any of you rude minimum wage morons ever again anyway!
JEREMY
Likewise, I’m sure, sir. But before you hang up the phone, I should warn you that the people who work on these lines are all volunteers. None of them are being paid to deal with you, so I suggest being nice to them, or they will just hang up on you.
CALLER
(brief, angry pause)
Well…well I don’t need you people anyway!
JEREMY
Are you sure, sir? Because I haven’t told you about the rest of the legislation and how it applies to you yet…
CALLER
You mean there’s more?
JEREMY
A lot more, sir. You see, as part of this legislation, for your own good and for the protection of society, you will no longer be able to access any kind of technology more complicated than a touch tone phone.
CALLER
What? But…hey, my cellphone won’t work! It just says “2S4T” in the place where the numbers show up!
JEREMY
That’s called the “display,” sir. If you ever want to use your cell phone, your computer, or even your microwave again, you’re going to have to call that special line I mentioned and arranged for the services of a Special Technology Assistant to help you.
CALLER
A what? I don’t need anybody’s help, certainly not some idiot who can’t even get a real job!
JEREMY
That’s your choice, of course. But I’ll remind you that because these people are also volunteers, they also don’t have to help you, and if you hope to ever drive your standard-transmission tricked out Hummer again, you’ll have to be nice to them as well.
CALLER
How did you know I drove a Hummer!
(in a hushed tone)
Does that Caller ID thing tell you that?
JEREMY
No sir, that was just a lucky guess. Welcome to the new world, sir. We can’t let people like you hold us back any more.
CALLER
Now listen, you rotten little–
(Jeremy hangs up, then smiles big at Jason. They high-five.)
JEREMY
That felt…incredibly good.
JASON
OK, make that SUPER jealous!
JEREMY
Oh, don’t worry. The world is full of people like him.
JASON
And we know that sooner or later, they always call tech support. And that’s when we’ll get them.
(Jason’s phone RINGS in his cubicle.)
JASON
Speak of the devil! Maybe this will be my first…hey, I’m actually looking forward to our worst callers!
JEREMY
It’s a great time to be alive, my friend. And a really great time to be in tech support.
JASON
(while he’s sitting and putting on his headset)
Amen to that.
Jason taps a button.
JASON
Hello, StarTech support line, Jason speaking. Can I help you?
FADE OUT:
THE END
