Hallo, hier spricht Eliza

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Das Telefon klingelt.

Grüezi, wir machen eine kleine Umfrage zur Krankheit „Grippe“. Haben Sie kurz Zeit?

Naja – fangen Sie mal an…

Wie alt sind sie?

21.

Wie oft pro Jahr impfen… *klonk*

Dann habe ich aufgelegt.
Mann, ich hab jetzt einfach keinen Bock für sowas. Bin erst gerade von meinem Abendschläfchen aufgewacht, und mein Magen knurrt…

Das ist eigentlich praktisch an solchen Umfragedamen – man hat einfach unbegrenzte Macht über sie. Man könnte sie duzen, jederzeit auflegen, oder ihnen irgendwelche unangenehmen Gegenfragen stellen.

Aber mit wem rede ich da eigentlich? Komme mir vor wie mit ELIZA zu chatten – ihre Stimme klingt kalt und unpersönlich. Alleine schon ihr Begrüssungstext: Heruntergeorgelt wie ein Roboter. Nach meiner Antwort hörte ich ein deutliches *klick* – na also. Elektronische Formulare. Im Hintergrund waren noch eine ganze Menge anderer Stimmen zu hören. Eine Massenumfrage also.

Eigentlich sind solche Umfragen sinnlos. Hätte ich beim Alter 35 gesagt, hätte sie mir das genauso abgenommen. Ich hätte jeden Scheiss erzählen können. Aber ich hatte keine Lust dazu, weil meine Teigwaren in der Pfanne brutzelten.

Fünf Minuten später klingelte es erneut. Aha. Diese Dame hört mir gar nicht zu! Ich sagte doch klar: „Fangen Sie mal an.“ Von einem zu-Ende-führen war nie die Rede. Also, warum sollte ich mit jemandem sprechen, der mir gar nicht zuhört? Genau, völlig sinnlos. Telefonstecker gezogen, und en guete!

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